One Month of Smooth Sailing with My Dreamboat

Not only do I have a SON, but I now have a ONE MONTH OLD son! I blinked and we were here, knee-deep, four weeks in, and more in love with you than ever. To my surprise, the transition into the infamous "two under two" universe has been a lot smoother than I expected. I was never necessarily afraid of it since, ideally, I wanted nothing more than to have two babies close in age, but I did think it would take a lot longer than it has to establish a routine and feel like I wasn't swallowed whole by postpartum craziness. The craziness was still there in many ways, but wasn't nearly as daunting this time. Actually, I think that's because there ISN'T time when you have a newborn and a toddler on your hands. It was a blessing really, to be so distracted that I didn't dwell on my postpartum emotions. Okay, I cried once... And this time it wasn't into a lamp (see my blog post entitled "The fog will lift, just know that", circa 2017 when Rowan was a newborn, in order to understand THAT one). This time I cried while looking at you because I just love you so much, and it hit me right in the feels as I stood there in your room, your Nana at my side, after a very long couple of days. The release was an absolute positive thing though as I breathed in deeply and told myself something that I had known all along, in my heart and my soul: that I am more than capable of mothering two. 

People can argue that the second child will never have the one-on-one time that the first child had, but I actually think you get the better end of the deal. Not only are you stuck with me because I am a stay-at-home mom, therefore we DO have one-on-one time even amidst the chaos, but you also have a mother who is more confident and capable this time around. That helped me bounce back a lot faster too. It's easy to get on track when you actually know what you're doing. 

Anyways, your birth was one of the three greatest days of my life, and I have written you a lengthy letter about it all that you can find in the journal I kept for you over the course of my pregnancy. This time, not only did I get to leave the hospital with my very own son, but coming home was something I was eager to do because I would be back with my dear daughter. Being away from her for even one night was strange, so I am the happiest right now, with my family of four, holding both of my children close, and hogging all of the cuddles. 

Rhett, my little dreamboat, you have already made life with two children so damn sweet, and not that I would ever seek reassurance in my decision to have a second child, but you being here makes me feel like this is exactly as it was supposed to be all along. You're just the perfect fit in both this family, and that little crevice of my arm where you love to lay for now. I look at you and it rocks my world knowing that you're mine. Also, I am so excited to be writing these monthly updates once again! Buckle up, Buckaroo! We have a whole lifetime of adventures ahead! 

ONE MONTH STATS FOR MR. RHETT FLETCHER 

WEIGHT AT BIRTH:

7 lbs, 4.5 oz, 20 inches long 

WEIGHT AT 1 MONTH:

7 lbs, 9 oz, 21 inches long 

EYE COLOUR:

dark blue 

DIAPER SIZE:

newbie

CLOTHING SIZE:

you fit into premie, but are currently sporting and falling out of your newborn pants (literally, that happens often)

NICKNAMES:

Buckaroo, Bubba (Rowan loves repeating this one), Bubby, Bugger, Stud, Dreamboat, Rhett Rhett, Rhetty Bear, Baby Bear, Baby Brother, Handsome, Tyranosaurus-Rhett, Little / Big Guy, Hungry Hippo, Mister, Bug, Peepee Pants, Lil’ Boy, Minier Morin 

WHAT MOMMA HAS OBSERVED ABOUT YOU AT ONE MONTH YOUNG

There is this well-known term, "boyish good looks", and now whenever I think of it, you pop into my head. Ever since you were born you have looked like suuuuuch a little boy. Even the nurses commented upon how often times you don't know if the baby is a boy or girl when they're THAT new and squishy, but your boyish looks were obvious from the get-go. Let's be real here, I knew you'd be handsome, but once again the universe has left me floored, exceeding my every expectation.

Obviously one of the first things anyone comments upon when they see you is your hair - in all of it's abundant glory. I so badly wanted a dark haired baby since Rowan is my golden girl, and I got my wish! My favourite is when it's freshly washed and gets so fluffy! When it's wet I never ever brush it because it looks wavy, and I would love for you to be wavy or curly! But then it dries and spikes straight up into a natural mohawk. Regardless, it's the best baby boy hair! 

You also look A LOT like baby Rowan! I wondered whether or not my babies would look like siblings, and if you look at her newborn photos there are definite similarities, from the shape of your cheeks and chin area, to your big eyes! Your colouring is different, but that can always change. I'm curious as to whether or not your now dark blue newborn coloured eyes will turn green like hers eventually did. When you were first born, people thought you looked a lot like your Dad too, but that makes sense because Rowan was his twin. Only every so often does someone say you look like me, THOUGH YOU DO HAVE MY DIMPLES! Yes, both of my babies have them now! We will have to wait and see how you change in these upcoming weeks and months, because it happens so fast from here on out! 

You have the longest fingers and arms! Neither of my babies have been "rollie pollie" so far, but you especially are just so lanky looking! You will for sure be taller than your Dad and I in no time, which won't be hard to surpass. 

I don’t care what people say about newborns not being able to do it on purpose, a smile is a smile, and you sir have smiled! Many times! It doesn’t take much either. I can look at you and simply talk to make you smile. Other times I take your suckie and bop you on the nose with it and you smile soooo big! I absolutely adore that gummy grin!

You have such a pleasant and calm demeanor (for now). Yes, I am positive that when you're your sister's age, you too will revolt and become a tiny crazy person as toddlers do so well, but for now you only ever cry when you're hangry, and when you're naked. Other times you are so quiet, smiley and docile. I can stare at you all day long, and often pick you up to cuddle even if you're perfectly content laying in your bassinet. Can’t help myself, you’re freaking adorable. 

You love being in the sling. There are so many things you learn after having your first baby, and with Rowan I never used a cotton sling carrier. This time, however, I was prepared and ordered it months in advance in the dreamiest soft blue / green colour. Rowan even got a mini one for her dolls! If you're pressed up close against me you are perfectly calm. You also love just staring up at me, which I obviously love even more! 

Unlike your sister, you also don't mind being in the swing! I sit you in it often because you are quite the spitter-upper, so sitting on an incline helps tremendously. I just have to constantly deter Row from cranking the speed up because she likes to do that, and I feel as though you will go flying across the room one day because of it. The dial now remains taped until her evil-genius self figures out how to remove it entirely. 

I always wanted a burrito baby. Rowan never let me cover her arms up because she always fell asleep touching her face (so cute), but you love being swaddled up tight. Every night after your bath, we get your jammies on and I swaddle you. It's probably the best nap you have all day long as soon as we get you burrito'd up in your fishing lure blankie. 

There are so many things I have already learned, from the more serious "point the wiener down" when changing a diaper (else you WILL, I repeat, WILL pee all over EVERYTHING / ONE... I lost count of all the outfits you went through that first week, back before I understood the significance of the downward wienie), to the more personally-attributed things, like how you're a slow drinker and enjoy taking breaks. There are absolutely one trillion more things that I will learn about you over time, but I am looking so forward to this journey with my little boy and learning everything that I possibly can about you.

THINGS YOU ABSOLUTELY LOVE 

As a newborn, this list ain't lengthy, but you LOVE your bubbas, snuggles, being held close, being swaddled or put in the sling, being rocked in the bassinet or swing, your sister getting all up in your face (though I'm sure she scares you many-a-times), Momma and Daddy, waking up every two to three hours at night to hangout with your favourite lady (that's me!), looking outside, having your face or hair rubbed, when Momma tickles your cheeks and makes you smile, having a warm washcloth draped over your body when you're getting a kitchen sink bath, when you wake up from a nap and see us all here, looking up at the hanging stars on your swing, being warm, nosey kisses from Momma, post-bath naps, your suckie, when music is playing, falling asleep in my arms as I walk the treadmill slowly (aka the only way I am able to get a treadmill walk in for the time being), pulling my hair any chance you get, and you don't seem to mind tummy time which we have recently started! 

THINGS YOU AREN'T SO FOND OF

Even at a month old you've managed to dislike the bottle warmer (that thing takes too long for your liking, especially at 2 a.m), being naked, having your diaper changed (unless you've just eaten, in which case you happily lay there in a food coma), and being hungry. Otherwise, you're a happy boy!

EATING HABITS

As it currently stands, you're eating roughly every three hours: 7:30, 10:30, 1:30, 4:30, repeat. I'm finally adjusting to this life once again; waking up in the middle of the night, but it's slowing down already. The first week or two I swear you ate every hour to hour and a half. As I've mentioned, you're a slow drinker, so we often devote a half hour to a bub, especially because Dr. Ashraf upped you to a minimum of 90 mL per bottle. We take a few breaks, I burp you, and we continue on. You have exceeded your birth weight, but not by much, so bigger bubbas will help that! You've been an excellent eaten from the get-go though. You devoured the very first nursette bottle of Enfamil they gave you in the hospital. By the time the nurse told me to only feed you half, you had drank the entire 2 ounces. You were less than an hour old. We started you on Enfamil because that is what Rowan drank, but after some trial and error, you're now on the Nestle Probiotic Good Start. So far, so good! Every baby is different, as you're clearly demonstrating. 

SLEEPING PATTERN

I mean, what pattern for the time being? You're up every three hours to eat, and in between you are either napping or cuddling. When you want to sleep, you sleep. There is no rhyme or rhythm yet, but there eventually will be. Until then, I am soaking in the newborn phase that is so short-lived it's not even worth complaining about the tiredness that plagues me at times. It's to be expected, and I know that magically in your own time you will sleep through the night, and I will rejoice. For the time being we are camped out on the couch just as I was with Rowan. It's just easier this way without waking up everyone else... Although Rowan can be found on the opposite end of the couch at night because she is my shadow. Hey, whatever works. I am easy with this stuff. 

PLAYTIME & DEVELOPMENT 

One day this section will be flourishing, but for now we will leave it at how alert you are when awake, and how you're already trying to lift that little noodle neck to look around whenever you're perched on my shoulder. Rowan would argue that you enjoy playing "blockies" with her, since whenever you're in your swing and she has them out, she piles them on your lap and tells me to "yook!" All I can say is brace yourself for the games and play time that lies ahead with that one! 

DATES & HOLIDAYS

No holidays have occurred since you've been earth-side, but you have had "firsts", such as your very first photo-shoot at five days old with the always lovely Chelsea Green. We dressed you up as a tiny fisherman, dumped out the books from the boat bookshelf, and plopped you right there in it. You were a little more whiny than your sister was at her newborn shoot, but that just means you're already like your father, complaining whenever photos are taken. 

You also had your first and second doctor visit with Dr. Ashraf! At four days old you went for your newborn check-up, and then went back at three weeks old to ensure that your eating habits were up to par and that your weight had increased since birth. At that visit, we also got you your first prescription because your right tear-duct is clogged and requires an ointment to be applied. I knew exactly what it was because Rowan had the exact same thing, at the same age, in the same eye! 

Of course going to the doctor's meant a Starbucks date beforehand! Your first of many. When I was standing in line, a lady approached me and asked how old you were. I told her you were only a mere four days old, then she looked down at Rowan, back at me, and said, "you are amazing and brave". Nope, I am just a momma of TWO now! 

You've experienced your first few shopping trips being stuck with us girls on Saturday, as we've ventured to the Pen Centre, mall, and many grocery stores. You also went for your first lunch date with all of us during that first week home while Daddy was off. We went to MT Bellies and you sat quietly in your seat beside me the whole time. 

The Civic Long Weekend wrapped up the last week of your first month on the outside. As a family of FOUR, we ventured to Port Dalhousie to bring you and Rowan to the old carousel. It was the first time either of you had ever been, and even though you slept the entire time in the sling, we rode it twice because Rowan was hooked. Then while she ate ice cream, you downed a cold bubba to my amazement (Rowan would have never done that as a baby). It was a really nice morning / early afternoon with my people! 

LASTLY, FROM YOUR MOMMA'S PERSPECTIVE

Up above I mentioned some of the things I have learned since you were born. While the difference between changing a girl and boy ARE vastly different, and each day seems to bring about more little quirks of yours that I am getting familiar with, more than anything else, above and beyond it all, I have learned that I needed you all along. 

Did I think my life was lacking before? No, I really and truly didn't. Did I want more children though? With my entire being I did. I always wanted another one, but I honestly didn't necessarily imagine having a boy. I was so used to raising a girl, that I just wrongly assumed that was the path that life paved for me. I look back now on the day I found out your gender and I honest to god CRINGE. I get so annoyed with myself for ever feeling so displaced by the news that you were a boy because that should never ever have mattered. Trust me, I KNOW that bringing a healthy baby into this world is one of the biggest blessings, and somehow in all of the excitement of being pregnant and stupidly assuming that I would only have daughters, I lost sight of the fact that I could possibly have a son too. Thankfully I got passed that really dumb mentality after a while. I just can't now for the life of me imagine a world without you in it, without my son. I grew you, I grew more and more and more in love with you, and the further we got, the more excited I became to raise a boy. Now you're here and like I said, I just treasure it. You were born, I physically held you, I emotionally felt you, and every little anxiety I had about "not knowing how to raise a boy" seized to exist anymore. Do I have all of the answers? Absolutely not. But, searching for them and having to figure them out as I go certainly doesn't scare me. I was meant to be your Momma, and I will always do my best, because you deserve the best. 

You have opened up a whole other part of my heart; like blew the doors right off the hinges the moment I saw you. It's a completely different level of love when the baby you only previously felt, becomes the baby you are looking at and holding. When you realize all at once that you brought him into this world and he is yours... A perfect combination of yourself and the person you chose to walk through life with... There just aren't words. Surreal is what it is, but in the very best way possible. Ugh, I just love you, and I love knowing that I have a son. I promise that along with your Dad, I will raise you to be a good person, with a genuine heart, and a relentlessly beautiful soul. 

The newborn phase is so very short, and I know now firsthand just how quickly the rest of the months follow suit. I know now how quickly your baby turns into your toddler, and with every day that passes I see your sister becoming an actual little girl, who will eventually start school and then never stop starting new chapters in her life. I am not naive in thinking that things will magically be different for you, or that life will turn back it's clock and give me longer grace periods with my baby boy. I know that you are not meant to remain this tiny forever. I know that the baby who spends hours in my arms, or fits so effortlessly into the sling, won't always. I know that simply looking up into my eyes won't always be the thing that so easily calms you down and makes you feel at peace, though I hope looking into my eyes always will have that effect on you. Maybe years from now after a really crappy day is had, when you feel defeated or burdened, I can bring you back down to earth instead of leaving you floating around the clouded thoughts troubling your head, and you will feel better again. I hope I can do that for you.  

I know that things won't be this way forever, as much as I would always like to have a little baby in my arms. After your sister was born, I knew for certain that as long as I was able to, I would have another baby. With you, however, there is no telling whether or not you are my last; my actual baby. I don't know what the future has in store, but there is this part of me saying, "savour it", because your firsts may very well be my lasts. The first time you walk, can also be the last time one of my children take steps on their own. There is a bittersweet accompaniment this time around, and I honestly hope that what I take from it and learn, is to slow down and enjoy the ride. It's easy to get caught up in what needs to be done, or my own agenda, or juggling another child who also needs me, but for now, in the middle of the night, when only you and I are awake, I hold you close to me, and I run my fingers through that fluffy hair of yours, I kiss your face, and I smell the baby laundry detergent coming from your sleepers. I savour those moments more than you will ever know because I don't ever want to forget them. They mean the entire world to me. YOU mean the entire world to me. 

I love you so very much, Rhett Fletcher. 

Happy 1 month earth-side, my littlest love! 

Love always, 

Momma

• July 2019  | 1 Month •