18 Months of Raising a Wildflower

A year and a half of you. A wonderful, dream come true, reality of you every single day for a whole 18 months. It sounds ridiculous to verbalize out loud that you will be TWO in 6 months' time, but I also can't believe that I haven't known you for longer; because it truly does feel like you were always a part of my life! Regardless, this year and a half with you has undoubtedly been monumental, and I am so in love with my little toddler girl and best friend!

You aren't JUST a little baby anymore (though you will always be my baby). You are my sidekick, my number one helper, my best friend, the only person who fits perfectly in the nook of my arm when we nap, my sunshine, the best nose-kissy-giver and leg-hugger, an amazing big sister in training, and a constant reminder of everything under the sun that I am so so fortunate to have, conveniently all wrapped up in one tiny girl. You're spectacular, Rowan. I love you so insanely much, and am so excited for the changes to come with the arrival of your baby brother.

I'm going to be completely honest here in saying that at first I felt terribly guilty (even though baby number two was very much so planned and wanted!) I felt guilty because once I was in fact pregnant, everything became, and continued to become real. It was no longer a thought of adding to our family; it was now "we are adding to our family, it's happening as we speak!" I was so excited for another baby, and yet, felt guilty to be changing life as you knew it without any of your consent. I know, I know, you were still very little at the time and wouldn't have fully understood anyways, but I am a mom, and this is what we do: over-analyze, then worry, then do it again and again until we can't anymore. I LOVE our life as a family of three! I have enjoyed every part of raising our princess and being this trifecta of happiness. Eventually, I gave my head a good shake and realized that giving you a sibling is the greatest gift I can ever possibly extend your way. I grew up with a sibling, your Dad grew up with two, and it was never a debate for us of whether or not we would be having more children.

I watch you run around here and play and grow and learn, and you are so so incredibly smart and loving. I watch you stack blocks as high as you can, then cheer for yourself, or feed your babies and give them kisses. I watch you colour and dance, and navigate your way using your iPad. I watch you do these things, totally impressed over how far this once newborn baby of mine has come. I watch you and I know with all of my heart and soul, how much more fulfilled your life will be with a sibling at your side. At that point it won't only be me who is in total awe of you; but they will be too. HE will think you hung the moon, and if by chance he ever asks me, I will be sure to attest to it. 

These 18 months have given me so much joy, so much love and patience that I didn't even think I had. I have changed, you have changed, and soon our family dynamic will change. However, I think you are ready too now, so that guilt I once felt over not having your blessing is long gone. You walk into our bedroom where the bassinet was recently set up, and you happily rock it. You point to baby brother's belongings and say, "baby!" When I outright ask you if you want a baby brother, you enthusiastically shout, "yeah!" I know that people can and will argue that you still don't understand, but I know you do. You're every bit as bright as you are beautiful. You are going to be an outstanding big sister, and I know that your spirit won't be overshadowed or diminished. The attention you receive won't lessen (uhhh hello! Stay at home Mum over here! And I'm always going to need my girl!) And if anything, I am only going to SOMEHOW love you even more as I watch you take on a nurturing older sister role. Here is to the past 18 months of you, little girl! And to many many many more shining months ahead. 

18 month stats for Lil' R.P. 

Birth weight: 6 lbs, 11.5 oz, 19 inches long 

18 months: 22 lbs (as of your last weigh-in). You petite thing, you. 

Eye colour: green / hazel 

Diaper size: still reppin' size 3 

Clothing size: 18 months to 2T in basically everything (you've outgrown the length of pants and sleeves if any smaller!) 

Nickname: Peeper, Big Sissy, Rowbie-Bobe, Crazy Girl 

Rowan Talk, my favourite kind!  

I honestly should have started a list when you initially began babbling, because I have lost track of all that you say now, but I will give this a shot. 

• Mum (uttered 9.6 millions times a day), Dada, DAD, Nana, Nan, Girl (Alexis), Zeee (Zia), baby

• Pup (you are OBSESSED with dogs), Meow (no matter how many times we say "cat", it's still "meow" to you), "orse" (horse), "fis" (fish), "happa" (hippo), "bun" (bunny), bear, "ah-corn" (unicorn)

• You know your colours according to what Sesame Street characters they match (hilarious), so, pink is "Abba", blue is "Cook", green is "Osk", orange is "Ernie", yellow is "bird", red is "Alm"

• "nye nye" (nap or bed), "mak" (milk), "wawa" (water), cup, "foke" (fork), "dip dip"  (basically any condiment you eat along side your food, but started out as syrup)

• "appa" (apple), "baba" (banana), "bear-ie!" (berry), cheeeeese

• up and down (which always come with an accompanying exaggerated point)

• See!, "yook" (look), "ah-dun" (all done), no, yeah, yes, ball, ba-yoon (balloon), dance, oh-no, wow / woah!, "a-kah!" (okay), heart, "moe" (more), "air" (hair), boat, car, nose, teeth, walk

Smarty Pants! Smarty Pants!

Following commands comes super easy to you, which I credit to our daily repetition of tasks, and of course, your own smarts. We have established such a well-functioning routine during the week, and it has helped so much in you undertaking several things on your own.

For instance, when we wake up, you bring your cup of water from the bedroom into the living room and put it on the table. When it's bath time, you go grab your towel and stand at the tub waiting to throw your bath toys in because that's your job. You also remind me most days to get a washcloth out of the cabinet by pointing to it if I've forgotten. When you want to brush your teeth, you maneuver your finger back and forth across your mouth. You will say "ah dun!" when you're finished doing pretty much anything. When you want a snack, you walk to the cupboard where I keep them and either try pulling it open (even though you know it's locked...) or you yell, "Mum!" You know how to turn on the radio when you want to dance around, you go grab your little coffee cup when Mum makes herself coffee in the morning, or you grab your broom when I am doing my hair (because you know that as soon as I am finished, I sweep the floor since I shed like a golden retriever). When you want to nap, you grab your pillow and bring it to the couch, or grab the "cuddle blanket" as we call it. OR, you straight up tell me, "nye nye". When you put your toys for a nap, you close the front door just like I do before your naps to make it darker and quiet.

You can stack your blocks with ease, and you now boot around the house on Bugly Wugly (no longer requiring us to push you and break our backs in the process). You can brush your hair, you can identify where your nose, mouth, ears, eyes, hair, feet, legs, arms, tummy and bum are. You wash your feet in the bath tub with your cloth, and wipe your face. You know to separate your Little People toys from your blocks, and I often see you dividing them up as you put them away during those random times when you decide to clean (and make me so proud). You can use a fork and spoon with ease. If the iPad is charging in our room, you can go unplug it from the charger and bring it back to the living room because you know where it is kept. You hug and cuddle your babies, you know there is a baby in Mum's belly and often come feel him, or give him pretend food (most times your bottle of vanilla extract...). You know your bracelets on your wrist as "pretties". You call male Little People "Dada" and female ones "Mum". You also somehow knew that the superhero ones that wear capes can fly, because you walk around with them held up in the air. You know what your toys are if we ask you to grab them or put them away. You can answer yes or no to many questions, including whether or not you want to do a puzzle, need a diaper change, play on the iPad, watch a show, go to bed, colour, go for a walk, etc. You can spot things in books when we ask, and can identify people in photos. Though you don't succeed yet, you often try to get your shoes on your feet by yourself. You can hand us things when we ask, like the remote, or a blanket. You often pick up your little play phone and say you're calling "Nana" (apparently phones only ever call her, no one else). When I grab the cocoa butter to put on my belly, you come sit on my bed and ask for some, then proceed to rub my belly as well. You use baby Q-tips to clean your dolls' ears, you put tupperware in your play kitchen sink and pretend to wash them, you always close the baby gate even if we've left it open for a split second. You love playing catch and have finally mastered keeping your arms in the right position to catch things. When we ask you to count something, you point to each item individually, though we haven't conquered numbers yet! We have been going over shapes lately, and there is this one game on your iPad where you can actually pick out a star, circle, heart, and so forth. You know that doggies "ruff", dinos, lions, tigers and bears "rawr", and you use your arm as an elephant trunk and make "Elly's" noise. 

When it's time to change your diaper, you go lay on your bed. When it's time to go "bye bye", you go grab your shoes. When Dada gets home from work, you run to the gate to give him a big kiss. You know the toilet is called "potty", and though you haven't used it yet, you always close the lid if it is left open. If you are caught doing something you aren't supposed to be, I will say, "Rowan, what does Momma tell you?" And you will say, "no no no". You can turn lights on and off while held up, close cupboards or drawers when asked, put things away, and are all in all an excellent little listener who I am oh-so proud of! 

Rowbie's Faves! 

Toys & Stuffies 

• Pup (you are OBSESSED with this tiny TY stuffed animal, it's so random)

• Bun (you love your soft bunny, it's your security stuffy)

• Meow & Dino (more stuffies)

• your babies 

• Little People 

• your Sesame blocks & stuffies 

• the flower bottle brush that you think is Abby's wand 

• your play kitchen and accessories 

• balls, and whipping them all over the house 

• Bugly Wugly, your mode of transportation 

Foods & Snacks: 

• soupie (you LOVE Nana's pastina) 

• Organic Oaty Chomps granola bars (your go-to every morning)

• watermelon (you call it "ball") 

• kiwi, banana, grapes  

• apples & berries 

• cheese

• raisins & dried cranberries 

• smoothies 

• pb&j (I make you sandwiches with a dinosaur cookie cutter)

• avocado & cucumber (with everything bagel seasoning too)

• yogurt parfaits 

• Morning Rounds 

• apple sauce 

• eggs (any way)

• pasta and noodles (who's child are you?) 

• pancakes & french toast (with dip dip of course) 

• ice cream & popsicles 

• perogies & sour cream (you'd still eat just the sour cream if I let you) 

• wraps & pitas with turkey / chicken and veggies

• 2% milk, which you finally like and ask for!

Shows & Games: 

• Sesame Street (since you were 2 months old!)

• The Cat in the Hat

• Splash & Bubbles 

• Sid the Science Kid 

• Daniel Tiger 

• Super Readers

• Clifford the Big Red Dog

• Dinosaur Train 

• Pinkilicious 

• Martha Speaks 

• Arthur 

• Abby & Rosita's Wand Chase (you laugh so much playing this game) 

• the balloon popping game and animal sounds game on your iPad

Activities & Interests

• watching birdies (we hung a bird feeder on the porch just so you can watch them!) 

• colouring with your markers (all over yourself and high chair too)

• doodling on your chalkboard 

• bath time and playing in your teeny tiny pool we just got for you

• being outside (you are your father's daughter) 

• smelling flowers whenever you see any 

• helping Dada do anything around the house (you become his shadow) 

• helping Mum do the laundry and put it away 

• dumping out all of your toy bins 85 times a day 

• reading your books and being asked to look for things in them 

• anything that has to do with pups or "meows"

• going shopping with Mum and Nana (you love playing in Chapters)

• dancing whenever you hear music, or when the radio is on at home 

• cuddle time with Mum when you're feeling sleepy or blah 

• playing catch, being chased around, running rampant 

Toddler: the funniest kind of human, ever. 

Okay, I stand by this through and through (even in the moments where I don't necessarily think it's hilarious that you threw 6 giant rolls of Costco toilet paper into the filled bath tub). Toddlers are the funniest creatures. At this point in time, you are your own little person. You have attributes from your environment and of course us, but you have also developed your own little vibe that you radiate with the utmost conviction and confidence. Toddlers are so shamelessly themselves, and I for one love that. We don't know what you're ever thinking, but your actions just take charge and you go for it. If you want to look at yourself in the mirror and give yourself kisses, you do. If you want to lay in the entrance way of a restaurant as people come in and out (yes, this actually happened...), you go for it. You know, the kinds of things that us adults would be severely medicated or locked away in an institution for. Toddlers know how to live life, and it's that quirky, unexplainable, nonsensical spark about you guys and gals that makes you so damn funny!

You have this Little People figure of a brown haired male. One day out of the blue, you decided to call him "Dada". Soon, Dada was carried everywhere with you. Didn't matter if 85 other Little People were thrown on the carpet, you could pick him out within three seconds. He had to stand on your tray while you ate in your high chair, he had to ride in Bugly with you, he was the "chosen" figure you always had to have handy. So, even when Dada is at work, he is still here with us apparently. 

You have a fascination with wearing baskets on your head. You are always putting your little toy ones on and walking around, getting mad when they fall off. You also enjoy being wrapped like a burrito with the big blankets we use on the couch. You will hold it up to us to be wrapped, then lay on the floor that way. You sing what we call the "Nana Song", which is just you repeating "Nana" over and over again, each time in a higher pitch. No idea where it came from, but it's your ode to Nan. 

If there is something to be climbed, rest assured that you will climb it. It's no longer unusual to enter a room and see you standing on something absurd, testing limits and Mum's sanity. You also tend to throw things or dump your toy bins and then say, "oh no", as if they did it themselves. You've also adapted this new habit of showing me your chewed food while you're eating. Lovely thing that is. If you burp, you then continue to pretend to burp by saying "bap!" 

Oh, and let's not forget to acknowledge the toddler tantrums... All I can say is I must still have those at the age of 29. Whenever you freak out and throw something, lose your patience, or sporadically throw a fit, I just observe, thinking, "she may look like her father, BUT THERE I AM!" It's fine; you level out the household now. I have a fellow crazy female to team up with, because we both know that Rhett will most likely take after Dada. They won't know what hit them, poor guys. 

Sometimes I get asked if I miss having you be teeny tiny and new. My response is that 1.) you're still teeny tiny, but 2.) all of the parts I loved about having a newborn are still present now. The cuddles, for instance. Those have NOT diminished. You are still the cuddliest girl and actually enjoy doing it. In the mornings especially, I will say, "do you wanna cuddle?" That's always always answered with, "yeah!" Sure, you're mobile now, but you're such a good girl, that I have no issues getting my tasks done while you play or do your own thing. It's way less boring having a toddler, and now that you say more and can do a ton on your own, I enjoy nothing more than having you around as you are! I'd keep you this age forever, but I know that can't happen. So, in the meantime, before you get older and even more strange I am sure (I love it), I am soaking it all in.

Lastly, some thoughts from Mum... 

I know that you won't remember any of these days by the time you're old enough to be reading this, and that's okay. I hope the happiness in my words and the love you feel from them is enough to make you realize how much fun we had together, from the very beginning. I hope you know now and forever that I would never in a million years change one thing about my past - the good or bad, because I would never want to jeopardize the path that led me here to you. One little shift in the road, one split decision made differently, all could have resulted in a present unlike this one. If I never met your father, if I never had my life flash before my eyes back in 2014, would anything that means anything to me right now still mean just as much? I can go on and on, reminiscing and wondering. None of it matters though. I am grateful for my past, even the rocky and darker parts, because I am here now, basking in the brightest light I have ever known. That's your doing. You are my guiding light, girlfriend. 

Right now, you're beside me at the table in your high chair. You just woke up from a nap a little while ago, inhaled a bowl of Nana's soupie, and are now onto watermelon. You have your fork in one hand, and your Abby wand in the other (also known as the bottle brush). You're watching Splash & Bubbles on TV and keep giggling over random parts that you clearly find funny. You look at me and smile after you eat another fork-full of watermelon, or extend your wand to me, saying, "Mum!" You're wearing the Cookie Monster shirt that was never intended for any time other than your birthday party, but you love it so much I've never parted with it. Whenever you spot it in your drawer it's game over, that's what you will be wearing. I just stare at you and smile because you are so damn sweet and beautiful, even with watermelon juice dripping off of your chin. 

There is that one saying I have never paid much attention to. It's just one of those lines you hear and know without really thinking much about. "These are the days". Looking at it now, I guess the vagueness is what makes it so widespread and relatable. "These are the days" can mean a plethora of things, to many different people. To me, it brings to mind moments like the one I just described above. The simple, slow, yet lovely moments that compile my days spent with you, in our tiny house. Though you won't remember them, these are the days that I will never forget. Though you will be older one day and take great pride in conquering the world without me at your side, these are the days I will return to in my head for comfort. Though in a few short weeks a new baby will join our party, these are the days spent raising you that I will forever think of fondly. These are the days in which I learned and continue to learn how to be a mother, through trial and error, while you patiently allowed me to grow and better. These are the days in which you went from a precious newborn, to a breathtaking toddler right before my eyes. These are the days that give my life purpose, and fill my heart with more love than I even know what to do with. These are the days I give thanks for. These are the days I love so much because of you. 

xoxoxo

Love, Mum