11 Months of Raising a Wildflower

And just like that, as fast as they said it would happen, the teenie tiny little 6 pound niblet I brought home from the hospital is the same stunningly beautiful, insanely smart, unrelenting ray of sunshine who I am staring at now, in these last few days before you are ONE! Graduating from baby status, as you are now officially considered a toddler, I find myself to be a mixture of emotions. The good news is that I feared I would dread this day a lot more than I am. I am actually really excited for you to continue growing, to accomplish new things, and to watch your face light up with happiness as you experience the inevitable changes and milestones of your fun toddlin' years. When I look back on your newborn photos, or ones from your earlier months, which now seem so fond yet far away, I of course become nostalgic, already trying to remember what holding wee little baby Rowan was like one more time. BUT, I am so unbelievably in love with the you here and now, and I can't for a second imagine waking up and not having my 12 month old here with me. Besides, you give the BEST hugs and kisses now! How can I pass those up?!

You see, all that you are today is a combined greatness of all that you ever were. I feel like the best parts of you from the beginning to now are culminated together and have made you into this incredible little girl, who I still don't understand how I was blessed enough to mother. Whenever I find myself reminiscent of a smaller you, I find it. I still see that awe-struck newborn when I look into your eyes. I still catch glimpses of a less mobile you when you choose to sit still on my lap instead of running around. Though you're capable of feeding yourself in your high chair, you still enjoy being held like a little baby to have your bubba, and often fall asleep curled up in my arms. Whenever you laugh, I am instantly brought back to your 4 or 5 month old self, who sat in her Bumbo on the kitchen counter dying of laughter when, while putting groceries away, I broke a bunch of eggs and kept saying, "Momma broke the eggs!" I see the best parts of you each and every day. They're there because you're still you; only now, you're a much more wonderful you, who gets a little sweeter, smarter, kinder, and more incredible every day.

A lot changes in a year, and 12 months ago if you would have asked me how I would feel upon my baby turning a whole year old, I would have probably cried. I would have been stuck on imagining the little baby who was no more, rather than the astounding little girl she became. Knowing you, and having been right there with you this entire time, I've realized that not noticing the latter is utterly impossible. It's hard to be sad that you're not a little baby anymore when you are as special as you are. Beautiful girl, I know that this post is reminiscent of your eleventh month, but writing this means that it's quickly reaching an end. I am writing to my 1 year old, about my eleven month old, and all of the things we did in this final month of your first year. Just like I knew it would be, it was nothing short of the best year of my entire life. One little girl making the most gigantic difference. I am the most proud to be your Momma, and can't wait for this beautiful continuation with my tiny best friend at my side.

11 month stats for Lil' R.P.

Birth weight: 6 lbs, 11.5 oz, 19 inches long

11 months: 21- 22 lbs, and long!

Eye colour: beautiful greenie hazel

Diaper size: still comfy in size 3

Clothing size: 12-18 months in pretty much everything

Nickname: most popularly, you are my Sweet Girl, Bug, Bean(ie), Rowbie, or Row

What Momma has observed

about you at 11 months young

YOU, little girl are outrageously affectionate and it's the damn sweetest thing ever! The one night you were sitting between Daddy and I on the couch, and you grabbed each of our hands and just smiled. If that isn't enough, I can't even count how many times you up and decide to give us random kisses in the midst of playing. You will stop what you're doing and walk up to us and plant a big smooch on our faces. The best yet, was the one night when we were all laying in bed, and you sat up to give us both a kiss before you fell asleep. Like... you can't make this stuff up. You are simply an angel. Sometimes we get your version of a hug, which is this sentimental and endearing head tilt / nod. I think it's hilarious when you approach others like your friends and do it. I'm always quick to explain, "she's giving a hug". You are a lot more nurturing to your toys now, often holding them like little babies, and even pretend to feed them, put them to sleep, and give them lots of kisses. You will make an exceptional big sister one day! It's been so sweet watching you naturally take on an older and more aware role. It's clear that even you regard yourself as a bigger girl, wanting to try things on your own, and caring for your dollies. It warms my Momma heart to see you becoming my little momma!

You've become much more vocal too this past month, adding several words to your vocabulary! You can now say "hot" (which you know our cups of coffee and tea are), "up" (which you use universally for wanting to be lifted up, wanting something handed to you, and so forth), "yeah" (which is my favourite right next to "dere" because you do this exaggerated head nod), and you refer to your water as "wawa". You are so good at following simple commands too. You have known "sip" for a while now and always take a drink from your water cup when I say it. A new one is "sleep". If we say it to you, you will rest your head on the nearest surface and curl up like you're going to bed. You also know what your nose, bum, and belly are and point to them when asked! You raise your shirt to expose your belly to everyone, but how cute is that? You also know what shoes are, because when asked, you always look down at your feet. When handed socks, you place them on top of your feet knowing they go on, but  are not quite sure how to put them there yet. You know "spin", and have made it your new dance move. Whenever I say it, you throw your arms up like a little airplane and spin in a circle. You know that "let's get bubba" means to head to the kitchen, and you also know "Rowan's room" means yours! If I tell you to get a book in "Rowan's room", or that we have to change your diaper, you get up and start walking to it. You also learned what the Christmas tree was in the matter of an evening. When asked where it is, you will point to it from across the room and proudly declare, "dere!" It's so fun asking you questions now and having you reply with a "yeah" or a head shake "no". You are so damn smart and quick to learn. Just last night, Nana and I were asking you how old you will be, while holding up one finger. Five minutes later, when we asked you, you held up a single finger all on your own. My bright Rowie girl!

You have a new found fascination with Dada. I swear to god you call him a million times a day, whether we're at home or out. I am constantly reminding you that he's at work, to which you reply, "yeah", like you're aware, you're just thinking of him lovingly (hahaha). You even carry my phone around the house kissing the screen because the background is a photo of you and him. When he gets home from work, you lose your mind and walk to the baby gate as soon as you hear his car pull in. If he's off on the weekends, you must sit at the table with him as he has his coffee. It's safe to say that you're a huge fan of Dada! It's even safer to say that he LOVES every second of it, especially when you curl up on him and fall asleep, since for the longest time that was only something you did with me! That's okay though, I love that you love your Daddy.

Here are a few habits that you have recently acquired: puncturing the containers of apple sauce in the fridge with your two top teeth. Seriously, I find teeth marks in every single one of them and have no choice but to scoop them all into a glass container. This of course, stems from your other habit of playing in the fridge and rearranging everything. I often find clementines in the vegetable drawer, or Little People on the shelves, chillin'. You also enjoy barging into the bathroom if the door isn't locked or fully closed. I often shower with the door slightly open because of all the steam, but that just means that you will enter unexpectedly, throw back the shower curtain and say hello... You also just started running around making a "rawr" noise to scare us. You appear around corners and hide behind the fridge, then say it and laugh when we make eye contact. You're too freaking funny. You love sitting on the couches only to throw the cushions onto the floor and laugh. You enjoy eating popcorn and just never going to bed on Tuesday nights because Nana and Uncle Joey come over to watch This is Us, so you treat it like New Years Eve once a week. You think it's incredibly hilarious to hit your head against the wall, which I've only made worse by telling you to stop. If I acknowledge it at all you just continue to bang it and laugh all the while. You also think it's funny to take sips of your water, but then spit it out. Speaking of which, the one night after you ate dinner, I stripped you down to only your diaper because you were a hot mess. You were spitting your water out onto the floor beneath you, then would take a giant step over it so that you would purposely fall. You then started taking a running start at it and created your own demented slip n' slide in the kitchen, I was staring at you like you were clinically insane because whenever you wiped out, you would die laughing. I suddenly understand why toddlers should wear helmets at all times.

Your dance moves have reached a whole new level of awesome, as demonstrated when you busted a move in H&M the one day while we shopped. There you were, in your denim bell-bottoms, a black peasant top, and your sparkly floral felt headband, dancing up a storm in the girl's section, to some song I've never heard. Aside from your spinning airplane move, you also do a little side-step, which is hilarious. At least once a day I have to YouTube the Sesame Street "Letter of the Day" compilation so that you can dance your face off. Each time you act just as excited, which is why I usually end up watching 20 minutes of this song on loop. Whenever someone asks you to dance, you do, regardless if there's music playing or not. You're like the one woman show. I'm so happy that your dancing has only increased with age!

Taking this back to the topic of Dada for a second, I would deeply regret never getting this story down in writing, as it is far too funny not to share. I was downstairs working out the one day, so Daddy was watching you upstairs. When I was done, I came upstairs and realized that you had on a fresh diaper, but no pants. He said that you had pooped, but were moving way too much for him to get your tights back on. Fair enough, since you are like changing an octopus now. I made a smoothie for you and I, and let you walk around pant-less, which you seemed more than happy to do. Moments later, I looked up to see you standing there, smoothie cup in one hand, desperately trying to keep your diaper up with the other. Somehow, Dada didn't put the diaper on tight enough, so you stood not sure of which thing to let go of, panic-stricken and in need of help! I laughed so hard at this sight, never having your diaper just fall off before. Leave it to him.

Things you absolutely love

Lately, more than ever before, you have been OBSESSED with the Sesame Street app. It's got to the point where you will physically go grab my phone and walk it over to me and I know that is what you want to watch. At night, you won't fall asleep (unless you're REALLY tired) without watching a couple (or several) songs, especially the "I Wonder" song by Ernie. You also love the Cookie Monster segment called "Smart Cookies" and laugh whenever I say the one line, "I'll get you, Smart Cookies!" Nothing holds your attention quite like these little five minute episodes, and when I want to get dishes washed or laundry folded in peace, I just put them on and you're in your glory.

The apple must not fall far from the tree, because you love going to Canadian Tire and looking at everything, especially now that they're all set up for Christmas! We tend to go on Sundays when Daddy is off, and each time you are so amused by the decorations and toys, and don't want to leave! There was a Rudolph toy that walked and talked, and you danced in the one aisle with it. You also kissed the Santa figure they had there, and grabbed just about every toy that your little arms could pick up.

You're also a big fan of our trips to the mall. Not only do you get to walk around and play, but we also share Booster Juice because you're such a big girl now (and love smoothies). One night when daddy was going out, he dropped you and I off at the mall after we hadn't gotten out of the house in what seemed like forever, and we had a Momma and Rowan date. We had our Booster Juice, walked around, and then Momma bought you the cutest little unicorn slippers. You wear them every day and actually keep them on willingly!

Other honourable mentions: taking my coffee cup because you think you're a mini Momma, whenever you see other babies, anything you can snack on, when Momma would throw the leaves from the front yard up in the air for you to catch, using your little utensils (to the best of your ability of course), when Daddy and Momma play with you at the Early On Centre, the new slip-proof duckies in the bathtub, making a complete and utter mess, taking your dolly's bottle and pretending to drink it, destroying your book shelf, being chased, watching Clifford the Big Red Dog, watching Super Readers,  playing with Momma's kitchen spoons and pots, sitting in the big part of shopping carts (which we call your boat), stirring your little coffee cups, being in just your diaper, playing with your friends, going to Zippy Zoom, slamming the toilet lid down, stomping around outside, throwing and kicking your ball, taking Grover and Cookie Monster out wherever we go, when people come to play with you and visit, helping Momma do laundry (unfolding everything and throwing it all over), watching animals through our front window (you're obsessed with the squirrels in our tree, or when dogs walk by), when Nanny stops by, and much more!

Things you aren't so fond of...

Luckily, there's nothing new in this department. You still don't like being put in your car-seat (especially when bundled up for the cold weather), and you never stay in your stroller for very long. When you want something now, you are sure to let us know. This past month, you wandered into the kitchen crying and pointed to the bottle warmer. I asked if you wanted a bubba, and you said "ya". Then another night at Nana's, when you wanted to leave, you dragged my coat and your hat into the living room from the bedroom, while whining. It was getting late and you weren't happy! When you reach your point of exhaustion, you make it clear. Last night while Daddy and I were on the couch, you walked to the bedroom and just stood there. We asked if you wanted to sleep and you nodded. We put you on the bed and you crawled right to your pillow and laid your head down. Reading your signs are so much easier the older you get, thank the lord!

Eating Habits

You are still the easiest child to feed and give me ZERO issues since you will literally eat anything that I give you. I've slowly introduced you to actual milk, starting off by adding a little to your oats, and smoothies, and now you're drinking small cups of it. Once we have your first year appointment with Dr. Ashraf, I will better known how to gage your bubba intake. If he wants me to reduce it, I don't foresee a problem since your meals are consistent and filling.

This past month, you have tried:

• white fish (sole done in the oven)

• pierogi

• homemade tomato soup

• homemade roasted red pepper soup

• pomegranate

• clementines

• snap pea crisps

• 
  

shephard’s pie

• pickles

• and of course, pizza and cupcakes at friends' birthday parties

Since Halloween came and went this past month, we got festive over here, as I made you theme-appropriate breakfasts! These included "spooky" berry oats with banana ghosts, a clean banana vampire pancake with a fruit face, and "ghost toast" complete with avocado eyeballs! You got a kick out of deconstructing each of these and then devouring them. I can't wait to make you different Christmas ones! It's the most fun having you to make these things for! 

Sleeping Pattern

The time change that recently occurred really seemed to screw you up, and everything got pushed up by an hour. You would wake sooner, you want your bottles earlier, and you nap creeps up more quickly. I don't mind though, because we've all been heading to bed earlier and it's much needed. Yes, you're still comfortably right between us in bed at night. If you are asked if it's your bed, you of course say "ya"... Enough said.

Playtime & Development

As I already mentioned, you are much more gentle and loving with your toys now. When you give your dollies a bottle, you even make a drinking noise with your mouth, and will sit cradling them. It makes me so excited for the day you get to be a big sister!

You love looking through your books and having them read to you. I find that whenever we are out, if I buy you anything, it's usually another book because I know how much you will actually use it, and because we can read it together.

You LOVE playing at activity centres, like Early On, or Zippy Zoom. It's fun to bring you to these places now because you are constantly on the go. It's hard to believe that you have been walking for nearly three months now! You are pretty fast, and even run when we are chasing you. You enjoy playing with blocks, love throwing and kicking balls, and being pushed on ride-along toys.

Developmentally, you are doing wonderfully. It amazes me how you now know how to switch songs when using your Monkey app (yes, you STILL love that thing and ever have since you were about 2 months old). You also know how to work the Sesame Street app, and will sit there swiping the screen to get to another song. It blows my mind how quickly you learn things after only being shown one or two times. You've realized that things happen in connection to one another, or as a consequence. For example, if you stack blocks, you can knock them down. Or, that if you do something like open a cupboard or door, you also have to close it.

Since Christmas is next month and I am crazy, I had the house decorated by November 4th. To be fair, there's a lot of time to kill once the weather gets too lousy to go outside for walks like we always would. Of course you are fascinated with the Christmas tree, and have since pulled off several ornaments. Nana bought you a tiny mouse ornament that's dressed in a pinafore, wearing a bow on her head. It's like the Rowan of mice. One day I caught you touching the tree, so you hid behind your hands... A superb hider indeed.

As a way to deter you from the actual tree and ornaments, I bought you your very own felt tree that is hanging on the inside of the front door. It's like you didn't even need to be shown what to do, because as soon as I hung it up, you started sticking the felt ornaments to it!

Oh, you're also obsessed with Santa! Once Halloween ended and I had to take the scarecrow off of the door (which you loved so much), we immediately replaced it with a Santa that you picked out at Canadian Tire. You've since kissed him a million times and even hold your coffee cup up to his mouth so he can take a drink!

It's been so exciting seeing you take interest in new things that remind me of my childhood. Before bed one night, you attentively watched the entire episode of Frosty the Snowman! Now that you're getting a little older, your attention span has definitely expanded.

Dates & Holidays

Well, your very first Halloween came and went this past month! In addition to the three Sesame Street pumpkins that I painted for you, Dada carved an amazing Grover pumpkin, which you loved! He takes pumpkin-carving very seriously, so next year we are definitely buying more than one pumpkin for him to use his skills on.

You went trick-or-treating as a little ladybug.. the cutest little ladybug I ever did see! You spent the entire day in costume, even though it was just you and I at home watching Halloween shows and movies. You seemed to really like it!

When Daddy got home from work, we made our rounds, going to see Uncle Joey at Rose City, where Nana also met up with us. Everyone loved seeing you dressed up, though I can't say you felt the same, since you ran away from Uncle Joey. We also stopped at Frattello's, where Uncle Ralph kept giving you candy even though you can't eat it. Then we headed to Zia and Chris' house where they had a whole basket filled with Sesame Street things and baby snacks for you. Our last stop was to Grandma and Grandpa's house, where you got to see Marielle dressed up, and got Little People as a treat! Giving out candy at home, and getting to see kids come to the door dressed up was probably your favourite part though. You stood at the door waiting for them to come. All in all, it was a great first Halloween spent with you, (lady)Bug!

The arrival of November meant one thing and one thing only: BIRTHDAY MONTH!!!! Invitations went out, party supplies rolled in, decorations were hammered out and finished up (your Sesame Street lamp post looks AMAZING!), and the details of your party were finalized. I am currently still working away at it to make sure that this day rolls out as smoothly and fun as possible. Daddy and I also have your birthday gift downstairs, which we are working diligently to finish on time. You will LOVE it and play with it nonstop. I just know it.

In addition to your own party, you also had others to attend for your birthday twin, Olivia, and your cousin, Matteo. You've had many treats this month, like pizza and cupcakes, but that's what celebrations are for. Besides, you ain't complaining!

You enjoyed ransacking their birthday gifts and playing with the tissue paper, so I can hardly wait to see you in action this upcoming weekend when you're the guest of honour getting spoiled by all of your friends and family!

It will be the most special ending to the best year yet.

Lastly, from your Momma's perspective

I started a new tradition this past week, where I write you a letter each year on your birthday in this beautiful journal I bought specifically for that reason. It provides an intimate space for me to write to you and you only, and in that letter, I was able to share with you all of my feelings and reflections on this past year. I feel like there isn't much else to say that you don't already know, that already hasn't been repeated a million times over the span of all these months, and all of these blogs. But, I also don't think that you can ever tell your child that you love them enough, so you're going to have to deal with my repetition.

Rowan, I simply couldn't have dreamt you to be any more remarkable than you are. I mean, I always knew you would be amazing, and I could have only hoped for you to have certain attributes over others. I imagined up what your little personality would be like, and said things like, "wouldn't it be cute if..." I never truly foresaw how BIG that personality would be already, or how many wonderful things you would naturally be composed of. Boat loads, kid. Boat loads. Whether it's a room or someone's life, you light it up by simply existing. I can't say that I know everything, but I know some things, and I know for certain that having the ability to illuminate something or someone, is truly a gift, and one that not many people have. You have that gift, however. You are a very significant someone to be. For me, a lover of words, I have a soft spot for certain ones, and "significant" is one of them. What an endearing thing to be called "significant" and have it backed with conviction. It's a word that holds great strength and power, looking just as confident written, as it sounds when said out loud. It's a sweeter sounding way to say that you are of importance; that you matter. I hope you always feel significant, and know that you've forever given my life a new significance as your mother. You're the girl who made me a Momma, and as far as things to be in this lifetime go, a mother is certainly as good as it gets.

I want to share a true story with you. Years ago, when I was somewhere between the ages of 19-21ish, I E-mailed this psychic from overseas. I can't exactly tell you what I was looking for, but my decision to do so was a combination of the excitement of the unknown, and I guess wanting some sort of direction. Would I be successful? Would I fall in love? Would the people in my life at the time be permanent? For whatever reason, I felt it wise to ask a perfect stranger, whom I don't even remember how I came across. Sure, the skepticism was real, but clearly enough belief was too, seeing as how I sent the payment then patiently waited a couple days for my response. I will tell you this - though I am certain that not everything the reply said ended up being true, two incredibly SIGNIFICANT things did, and they're actually the only parts that I clearly remember. The psychic said that eventually, I would meet a man, with whom I would find real love. She described him as a tremendously hard worker, in a job that was labor-driven, and a man "who would give someone the shirt off of his own back". Now, I get that to some, that description may sound vague, but it also radiates Justin, and it always stuck in the back of my mind, providing me even the smallest bit of reassurance that one day I would end up with a kind hearted soul. I did exactly that, and you call him "Dada".

The second thing that she said only made sense to me within this past year. Up until then, I seemed to have let it fade back into the archives of my memory. Let me tell you though, that when I finally pieced together the SIGNIFICANCE of it, I was dumbfounded. She said that she saw the letter R so clearly in my future, but was uncertain of what it represented. One thing she was positive of, however, was how much it would mean to me. Now, call me crazy, but Rowan, that R most definitely represented you. The even crazier epiphany I had was when I realized that all of the names I have chosen for children begin with the letter R. By the time I remembered this, you were already born and named. It makes me believe in the unexplainable, and I guess I will always think of it as something sort of magical that happened to me.

I think you are the most breathtaking soul I have ever seen (hello, have you seen your birthday photos?), and I love you with a kind of love I never knew even existed within me until I started living for the both of us. Thank you for this past year, my Sweet Girl. You have amplified all of our lives, and the world is a better place now with you simply being a part of it.

"I'll love you forever, I'll like you for always, as long as I'm living, my baby you'll be." 

Happy FIRST birthday, Rowan Penelope!

The light of my life.  XOXOXO

Love, Momma