4 Months of Raising a Wildflower

You're eating solids, you jump nonstop in your Jolly Jumper, you're vocal and love to make what we call your "train sounds" ("wooo wooo"), sometimes I am convinced you're part pterodactyl when you scream, you're on the verge of rolling over, you're hilarious, you're every bit as sweet as you are feisty, you grow more beautiful by the day (I swear), and magically and incomprehensively, just like that, you're a radiant, bubbly, five month old! Though the months keep passing quickly, which makes me miss your little 6 pound self in all of your newborn glory, I am ENTIRELY a fan of where we're at as of lately. Despite the teething episodes that make me question whether or not I gave birth to the anti-Christ, and some little hiccups here and there when you use this ear-piercing scream to announce to the general population that you're not overly thrilled, I am all about this stage of discovery and awareness. You are so damn fun, and make every single day brighter. As much as I would like to keep you at this age forever, I'd be lying if I said that I am not excited to live with Rowan the toddler. I feel as though she will be a firecracker! Regardless of how old you are, big or small, I am so very happy that I have a little live-in best friend who I get to hangout with all of the time! I've had a blast with you this past month, and as the weather FINALLY gets to be nicer (and you realize that snow isn't the only thing that exists outside), I am looking so forward to making new memories with my five month old girl!

4 month stats for Lil' R.P.

Birth weight: 6 lbs, 11.5 oz, 19 inches long

4 months: 13.14 lbs, 25 inches long (this was at the beginning of 4 months. Towards the end you weighed 14.7 lbs when we took you to the Doctor's for your teething issues on April 13th).

Eye colour: they're so beautifully green to me (also, a friend of mine recently commented upon your green eyes, exclaiming how rare green actually is. I never knew that; I always assumed green was as common as blue, but I guess not!)

Diaper size: still sporting the size 2 diapies!

Clothing size: Though your most worn size is 3-6 months, you also have worn some 6-12 onesies, yet also still fit in your 3 months pants! You're pretty tiny, but long, so you have the ability to wear a wide range of sizes. You're still not a pudgy baby, but at this rate I don't think you ever will be!

Nickname: Polly Pocket (again, because you're so little I could plop you in my pocket), and Rowie Bear seem to be your newly acquired nicknames. Of course, we still consistently use your staple ones, like Rowie P, Rowie Girl, Rowboat, Bean and Bug!

What Momma has observed 

about you at 4 months young

One Sunday morning, Daddy and I decided to take a family walk with you to the nearby plaza so that I could pick up some fresh tulips for your Easter photos, and also so that we could get coffee at Tim Hortons. While I ordered, Daddy sat at a table with you right next to the drive-thru window. Of course, a table of older people beside us were ogling at you, but that was nothing compared to the parade of cars proceeding through the drive-thru outside. You must have known that these people were smiling at you, because you smiled right back at them, even laughing at some. People would wave at you, or point at you to show their passenger, or mouth, "so cute!" I always say that you "perform" when the spotlight is on you. You know just when to smile at someone, and I'm sure it makes their whole day! I had to note this little story because it was a perfect example of what life with you is like. I frequently catch myself saying, "she IS happiness", or captioning your photos, "pure JOY", because life with you is exactly that. You bring a whole lot of sunshine into my life especially, but those around you feel it too. I am so lucky to be able to say that you are mine, that I gave you life, but that you give me so much more.

• My little dinosaur baby, you have found your voice... And you love to use it to scream. Randomly, you started to belt out this loud noise that made me think you were in pain. NOPE! Just testing out the vocal cords! I realized that you were doing it for fun when you'd pause afterwards to smile or wait for a reaction. You did it constantly for a couple days. It was your go-to noise and Daddy and I would laugh so hard. Then you went on tour when you decided to scream at Bootcamp and caused the entire top floor of the gym to stop what was happening and look at you in a panic. I nonchalantly piped up with, "oh she's fine; that's just her new thing". You have had many "new things" this month, but this one has to be one of my favourites.

• Speaking of which, another favourite of mine is when you think you're a choo-choo train and continually say, "wooo wooo". It's the cutest damn thing in the world, and to provoke you further, we often say it to you, and you copy us by doing it back. Your Dad comes home from work and one of the first things he says to you is, "wooo wooo!" The best is when you smile at us, almost impressed, as though you're thinking, "hey! You guys can make that sound too!" Not nearly as adorable as you can, Rowboat.

• You love to follow Momma with your eyes! Whether we're in the car and you're leaning out of your car seat to look at me, or I am in the kitchen and you're peeking over the couch, or staring from your bouncy farm, you always have to keep tabs on where I am. As if I would ever mind this! The best part is that when we make eye contact you give me a huge smile. The one day I was eating soup at the kitchen table and you were in your Bumbo beside me. You were staring at the TV, but kept reaching your hand back to grab mine. "Still there, Momma? Okay, good. Just checking!" I love that you're my little shadow.

• You're my real life dolly. I dress you in pretty much anything I want, and you're constantly sporting different headwear; from turbans, to head wraps, bows, knotted bands, beanies, tiny baseball caps, and even this adorable bonnet I ordered you. I can't stop! The funniest part is that you actually keep these accessories on. I'd like to think it's because I put a beanie on your head minutes after you were born, followed by a bow once that came off, so you've been used to them from the get-go! You also keep your sunglasses on, which is the best! Whenever we're out and people catch a glimpse of you in your sparkly gold heart-shaped sunglasses, they always laugh. It's TOO fun being a girl momma and I am SO glad that I am one! 

•  You haven't rolled over yet, but you get about three quarters of the way and flop back to the start. You show no interest in rolling, but I keep trying to get you to have your floor time each day. You love standing up, even when you're being held, and there is no doubt that those little legs are pretty strong! You do this crunch-type movement if you're laying down where you lift yourself up to see better, so you work your little core! I don't have any concerns about your lack of rolling because I think you're just going to be one of those babies who go from sitting to BOOM, crawling! Take your time though, you're easy to confine right now (hahaha).

• I find that weekends totally derail you from your schedule and leave you a bit scattered. You're either grumpy or tired after a long day away from our typical groove, which is why I often look forward to Monday so that we can recharge and restart. If you don't get to play with your toys in the morning, or watch Sesame Street, have your morning nap and so forth, you get very overwhelmed and I can't blame you! This is why I try to keep our Monday through Friday very routine. You and I have a system that works, and I am all about our morning walk. I never thought there would come a time when I preferred weekdays a little more than the weekends.

• You think farting sounds are hilarious. You truly are your father. Enough said.

Things you absolutely love

• I was going to say that you love your oatmeal, but you're starting to take after your father when it comes to food, since I am learning that if you like something one day, you may not like it the next. You were a fan of your brown rice cereal, but then you tried oatmeal and suddenly that was all you wanted. However, now that I've introduced certain vegetables and fruit into the mix, oatmeal has taken a back seat. Just today I tried mixing your bananas into it and you were neither overly enthused or upset about the combination. You just glanced at your bubba. So let's just make this about your bubba, which you have consistently loved from the very beginning! Good day or bad day, crying fit or complete meltdown, on the verge of sleeping or fresh and bright-eyed in the morning, your bub ALWAYS helps!

• Your Jolly Jumper is your best friend I am pretty certain. We adopted this thing from friends of ours who's daughter had outgrown it, and from the very first moment I put you in it, you knew to jump and this smile appeared on your face and stuck! Greatest baby invention ever, I swear!

Sometimes you just start laughing in it because it's like you're amazed by the freedom you have once you're strapped in. Other times, you stare at Daddy or myself and smile so big as you get more and more height, like you're showing off for us. Your absolute favourite is when I put the Jolly Jumper in front of the TV while Sesame Street is on. You can stay there forever if I let you. When a song plays, you find your rhythm and jump to the beat. I think I am more amused by this than you are. Sometimes I just blast the radio or play songs of my choosing on Youtube while you jump. I sit there laughing hysterically while videotaping the really great ones. The one time, Whitney Houston's "I Wanna Dance With Somebody" came on the radio and you were jumping so high, I was in tears. When we take you out of the Jolly Jumper it's as though part of you still feels like you're in it because you keep jumping and moving your legs. I clearly left you in for too long the one day because I looked over and you were falling asleep (somehow!) You are seriously the damn best!

• You also love to sit on the kitchen counter in your Bumbo and touch the ceramic tea cups that I have hanging from the cupboard. One day you dropped one and scared yourself, but it's as though you know they aren't toys, which makes it more enticing to you. Just like how you love to press all of the buttons on the coffee pot, which is now kept unplugged because you did something to make it so that this one light never stopped flashing... Needless to say, I ended up buying you your very own little wooden coffee pot set since you're an aspiring barista.

• You're obsessed with laying in mine and Daddy's bed to fall asleep. Pretty certain we've created a monster since I was the one who always said I wouldn't ever start co-sleeping. Low and behold... Here we be! Do I honestly mind though? Not really. I personally don't see the big rush to get you to sleep in your crib before you're a year old. I still get my sleep at night, and you're right there, which makes it easy to keep an eye on you, and I must say that when you wake up at 2 am and start babbling, and pawing at your Dad's face, those have been some of the funniest moments. You do sleep in your bassinet which is right beside the bed, but sometimes you just want to crash on this flatter pillow I have, and before I know it, both you and your father are snoring away. It's a good feeling to end the day with you two right beside me, safe and sound. Besides, when your Dad gets up for work in the morning, that's prime cuddle time for you and I!

• You love your (minimal) independence. Whether it's insisting on holding your own spoon (which only ever results in a complete and utter mess), placing your hands around mine to hold your bubba, or popping your soother back in (you did this for the first time on March 29th, while you sat there watching Sesame Street... I was beyond amused), you love to do things yourself. I can already foresee my stubborn little headstrong toddler, prancing around with a "can do" attitude.

• You love your Daddy. From the moment his car pulls in the driveway, I take you to the window and you smile at him as you see him walking up the driveway. The two of you have your own bonding time in the evenings, whether it's when he gives you your bottle, makes you watch ridiculous outdoorsy shows with him on TV (insisting that you like them, of course), picking you up and "throwing" you into the air, or rocking you to sleep in what I think are some of the sweetest moments ever, you love your Daddy a ton, and he loves you even more. The one night I had just showered and it was all too quiet in the house. I walked into your room and there you both were, on the rocking chair, as he gently brushed your hair with his hand. I've said it before, but these are the sides of your Dad that not many know, but I get to see often. Of course, he's also the typical Dad, who just the other week said to me, "you're going to be mad, but she loves when you do this to her..." as he HUNG you upside down by the ankles for a brief second and you laughed. "JUSTIN, you're going to dislocate her!!!!!" Fathers in a nutshell.

• The damn "Kookaburra Song" your Gramma has been singing to you since you were born. Never in my entire life had I heard this thing until she started rocking you to sleep while singing it softly. Flash forward five months, and this song still gets you to calm down and often fall asleep. Your Uncle Joey thinks it's thee most annoying song in the world, and just to make fun of Gramma, I call it the "Kookamunga Song" and make up my own lyrics. I swear you know the difference, because sometimes you just look at me like, "those aren't the words, Momma".

• You love your late morning / early afternoon nappy, on the couch, on your (my pregnancy) pillow. It's like clockwork with you. You eventually reach a point after playtime where your eyes get heavy and you long for nothing more than a bubba and nap. Sometimes it's just a little power nap, and other times it's pretty lengthy, but regardless, you wake up a new baby!

• You love your "Goo Goo" Doll. Since you always say "a gooooooo", Gramma found it appropriate to name your doll "Goo Goo", which is when I said, "Goo Goo Doll? Like the band". It's stuck ever since. Your Grandma Debbie bought you this doll that you seem to be fond of and take everywhere with us since it clips onto your car seat. You also love "Butters", your toy butterfly who also lives attached to your car seat. Funny story for you: the one Sunday we met up with Gramma, Zia, Lindsay and Alexis for breakfast. To keep you entertained in the restaurant, I said, "give her Butters". Your Dad, very much so unaware that it's what we call your toy butterfly, proceeded to say, "oh yeah, there's a great idea; give her butter to hold..." We were dying laughing.

• You love being tickled, specifically when I take the palms of your hands and pretend to bite them. As soon as I touch them, you are in stitches laughing. You also do that when I pretend to bite under your chin, or grab your puffy little feet!

• You love coming to Bootcamp with me because there is so much to look at, and you are majorly spoiled by your Bootcamp Aunties. When you've had enough of your mat, Leeann will often walk around holding you, saying that you're the boss. Before class begins, you're passed around because everyone loves you, and you also have Daniella! She recently broke her foot and her main concern was not being able to see you. THAT is how adored you are. You like to sit with her and have even fallen asleep in her arms!

Things you aren't so fond of...

• You still aren't fond of the usual culprits: teething agony, being put into your car seat against your own will, your bassinet, and then of course there is what I refer to as "witching hour", every evening when you are just over the entire day and get super cranky! (I think I dislike this one more than you do...) In these instances, we rush and do your bedtime routine just so you stop crying. It's a 911 bath and bubba protocol.

• A new thing you dislike is your bath tub for the time being. I recently removed the hammock because you're officially too heavy for it, and in it's place is now a bucket seat. This took some getting used to, and the tears shed have definitely lessened , but you're now required to sit up like a big girl in the tub and I don't think you are too keen on it!

• You also aren't fond of remaining in your stroller when we're out and about. If we are in a store, you demand to be taken out and held, which is when the carrier comes in handy because you're super nosey and need to see everything. Good luck to us when it comes time to leave and you have to go back into your car seat. That's always a production and a half!

Eating habits

So you're eating food now! I waited until I had the go-ahead from your doctor before I introduced you to any solids. Though there are a million different resources out there that all say different things, and the "rules" have changed drastically over the years, I felt most comfortable listening to the doctor's advice since this is all new to me too. Dr. Ashraf advised me to start you on rice cereals and oatmeal just to get you physically used to eating. Since you're tiny, he also told me that I had the room to increase your caloric intake, so the food would be in addition to your bottles rather than used as replacements. I started you on brown rice cereal the very next day. I've been using the Baby Gourmet brand and have no complaints thus far. So far, everything you've had has been organic, which I just like because it's closer to being as natural as possible and is free of any unnecessary additives. I started you out with a teaspoon of the rice daily, and eventually when you got more used to it, I raised it to a tablespoon. The doctor said that from that point, the amount of times in a day that you have the tablespoon will increase.

My main concern was weaning out any allergic reactions to anything, so I took my time introducing each food. Since allergies can develop as late as 72 hours, every new fruit and veggie is fed to you for 3 days before I switch it. I stretched out the rice cereal to a period of a week, and you seemed to enjoy it. The following week, I introduced you to oatmeal, which you liked even more! Three weeks in, I started the veggies. So far, you've had peas, carrots, and then switched over to fruits; trying bananas, and currently, pears! I find that taking our time allows you to develop a genuine like or dislike for these foods, since one day you may cry eating bananas (true story), and the next day you eat them without hesitation.

You're by far the messiest eater, but it's my fault for letting you hold the spoon, or stick your fingers in your mouth alongside the spoonful of food I just gave you. You tend to stick your hands in your mouth, then touch your ears, feet, or hair, which just spreads the mess everywhere. To me, however, it's worth the clean-up if you're actually getting MOST food in your mouth. So with that being said, I will gladly continue to clean the food from your ears each day as long as you keep being a good little eater!

In terms of your bubbas, you're crushing anywhere from 28-30 ounces in a 24 hour period, give or take an ounce or two. You have an undying love for your formula.

Sleeping pattern

Oh, it could definitely be a heck of a lot worse, so I try not to ever complain about what a good sleeper you're capable of being. You nap AT LEAST once a day. If you miss your morning nap, then you have one in the late afternoon before Daddy gets home from work. Do you sleep through the night? 99% of the time. Do you fall asleep right after your bed time bubba? 100% of the time. However, throw teething into the mix, or a hungry little tummy, and you tend to wake up at absurd hours, crying your face off. It's more often than not nothing another bottle can't fix, but these occurrences ARE so rare that when they do happen, it's like I am brought right back to that first month where I feel like I was hit by a truck upon waking.

The only thing that concerns me (as I have already touched base upon) is that you may not evacuate our bed now until you're ten years old since I have created a big-bed-loving-monster. I'm way too easy-going about this topic because I know that there will come a day when you inevitably sleep in your crib. Also, what the hell is the fun in being parents if little monsters aren't wanting to snuggle with you? I've enjoyed plenty of sprawled out nights in my bed, but I knowingly gave them up when I decided to have my own little monster. Totally worth it. That's why coffee was invented; for mommies of little monsters.

Playtime & Development

You're a nonstop ball of energy. You LOVE your playtime, specifically spent in your bouncy farm or Jolly Jumper. You can entertain yourself for at least an hour between both of these things. You still love playing with your measuring spoons, watching the monkey app, and chewing on your Sesame friends. I've recently been plopping you sitting up in your play pen while I workout, or clean, and you have mastered keeping that position without anything supporting you. It's crazy to see how much stronger you get every week. Even your grip is impressive for this tiny 5 month old bean. Your hand and eye coordination is great, and you love bright colours. I spend all day long talking to you, so I hope that when the time comes for you to start repeating words, you don't stop! It amazes me how you've gone from this jerky little noodle neck newborn, to this alert and curious baby. Even when were on our walks, you are looking around, and if a dog barks or a car goes by, you look to see where the noise is coming from. You're constantly grabbing at things, picking them up and looking at them. You are so in tune with your environment, which is really crazy to think of since you're still so small. If someone approaches you when we are out and talks to you, you smile at them. Like how do babies know to respond in such an appropriate manner? You guys are little masterminds, I swear. You're so fun to watch and grow with, kiddo. I love bringing you anywhere and everywhere with me because I love seeing how you react to different surroundings. That and you're super cute, so I like showing you off!

Date & Holidays

• On March 27th you had your 4 month vaccines, and this time Daddy came along to hold you during your needles and hug you when you cried! It was the exact same vaccine that you had at 2 months old, but you were far more feisty this time. When Dr. Ashraf held you, you nearly ripped his head off. When we put you on the table for tummy time, you aggressively grabbed at the paper that lines the table top and started biting it. All in all, handled like a champ. Prior to going in, you were smiling at the entire waiting area, so you weren't entirely vicious. Flash forward a couple of weeks later, and your paranoid mother brought you back to the doctor's (after calling like a crazy woman nearly every day, hoping to get a cancellation appointment). You hadn't been eating as much, and as a result, were not peeing as often. On top of that, you were also spitting up quite a bit. I was overly concerned, but it turned out to be completely teething related, all of it! Your weight had gone up to 14 lbs, so your eating wasn't an issue. In fact, prior to this you were low in weight, so Dr. Ashraf was happy to see you now sitting right where you should be on your growth chart. Since then, we switched you to bigger bottles (no more tiny ones!) You've been demolishing them, spitting up less, and using your frozen teether to help you battle your incoming teethies! PS: Dr. Ashraf assured me that I am not crazy. In his words, "you're simply a mom".

• We celebrated our very first Easter as a family on April 1st this year! Aside from the fact that it was FREEZING cold outside, it was a beautiful day! We started by going for brunch at My Place in Fonthill (where you stood on the bar, smiling at strangers in your bunny ears and bunny pattern dress), then went to Warner's for their Easter activities. Sure, you were still too small to do anything, and you were wearing a fricken snow suit (soooooo cute though), but we managed to get some great family photos of the three of us! You actually smiled in them, which was amazing! There were so many to choose from that I absolutely loved and had printed out! OH, and on Easter weekend, you, Daddy and I went to the Pen. As we passed by a giant Easter Bunny display, I looked at Daddy and said, "it's our duty as her parents to have her photo taken with that Easter Bunny". He just looked at me like I was slightly crazy, then nodded his head. He's so easy-going that guy. (Oh, and while we were at the Pen that day, your Daddy got himself a new baseball cap and had RPM embroidered on the side. So sweet!) You didn't end up smiling with the Easter Bunny, but you didn't cry either!

• April 4th was a very special day for me, for no other reason than 1 year prior is when I found out that I was pregnant with you! I like to believe that it's when my whole life shifted, and I began putting you first. I knew nothing about you other than I already loved you fiercely. My pregnancy was one of the most amazing chapters of my life, which led me to you. I will always think of April 4th as the beginning of our story, even though you were already growing inside of me prior. What a blessing it was to find out the greatest news and realize that my dream came true.

• You and I attended our first mother / daughter bridal shower together for a friend of the family, Tia! Obviously I had to ensure that we were matching, so we wore our contrasting polka dot dresses. However, you were the only one to wear kitty cat tights... Because let's face it, I can't pull those off without looking insane. You were a hit there, of course. And of courser Dad had to walk you in so that he could show you off like the proud Poppa he is. By the end of the shower you were passed right out in your stroller. Being a social little baby is exhausting! I can't wait to continue attending events with my little girl and sidekick!

• Since I've been starting to loosely plan your little baptism, I chose your Godfather and Godmother. Two people stood out in my mind because they love you a ton. Your Uncle Joey has been referring to himself as your Godfather long before you were even born, so he was kind of a no-brainer. I feel like even if I didn't pick him (which would never have been the case), he would have still stood up that day as your Godfather. Your Godmother is Lindsay. She texts me every single week to ask how you are, she pops in whenever she has a day off to see you, I'm pretty certain she has about a hundred photos of you on her phone, and she's crazy about you. I know that these two will show you the love and attention that you so rightfully deserve as you grow up. Now, because your father and I aren't the most religious people, and we don't REALLY view traditions THAT seriously, I had to add some humor into asking Joey and Lindsay to be your godparents. I had two funny, slightly inappropriate, but so fitting, cards made up (which I knew would make them both laugh). Please keep in mind that obviously it's meant to be a joke, and that your Uncle Joey does like children (okay, well, he likes you). His card said, "You swear too much, you drink too much, you hate children. You'll make the PERFECT godparent for our child". Lindsay's card said, "You drink too much, you swear too much, you lack morals. I can't think of anyone more suitable to be my child's godmother!" The young guy who printed these out for me at Staples thought they were so funny and didn't even charge me. Lindsay basically cried when we gave her the card, and said, "really?!!!" She couldn't believe we were asking her. Your Uncle Joey just laughed. Needless to say, they both proudly accepted their titles.

• The last thing I can think of that happened this past month is that it only took until the end of April, but Spring weather finally seems to be here! That means more walks, more wearing your sunglasses, more sweet bonnets upon your pretty little head, and finally getting to wear all of your cute Spring clothing! Gramma will also be done income tax season, so she can come back into our lives and we can continue our Superstore Saturdays, featuring Starbucks out on the patio! There is so much to look forward to!

Lastly, from your Momma's perspective

Hello, my beautiful girl. I am currently staring at you as you sit on the table in your Bumbo, trying to eat the little seat buckle... Your hair looks like a reddish blonde today, your beaming green eyes are sparkling as per usual, and your little dimples show whenever Elmo sings on TV, or you look over your shoulder at me. I love that. Earlier, while I was feeding you your pears, you touched my computer with your pear-covered little hand and got them all over my screen. In moments like that I can't even bring myself to get the least bit irritated because you're just so darn innocently sweet.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about Mother's Day; how it's coming up fast, and how I feel so excited to be able to celebrate it. Last year, technically I was a mother, and your Gramma kindly gave me a "mother-to-be" card, and my momma bear coffee mug that I love, but this year I get to celebrate with the special soul who made me into a momma bear, and the best version of myself.

I used to allow it to bother me when I would think about my job, my crap pay, and how others seemed to effortlessly obtain these actual careers that they were proud of. I never felt validated in that sense. Back when I was in university, I was a student journalist for The Brock Press. It was my pride and joy. It was my creative outlet that allowed me to utilize my talent, while also showcasing the stories and topics that I deemed significant. I'd show up early, I'd stay late. I would travel to cover stories, I would hunt down artistic souls to help create these beautiful intricate layouts. It was everything to me, and I loved what I did. It was the first and last time I felt that way about a job.

Eventually I graduated and my burning passion for writing got me all pumped up to go out into the world and continue doing what I loved. Except, it's a much different world when you're no longer a student, and very rarely do people land in a job that satisfies their passion. I wasn't one of the lucky ones. I hit a wall, in the big ol' retail world of crap! Though I do agree that you definitely learn a thing or two about how to properly treat people when you've worked on the receiving end of utter nonsense, I hope it never comes to that for you. I hope you never have to experience the disappointment of the world extinguishing the burning flame that is your enthusiasm to do great things in your lifetime. However, if that does happen, and you feel completely defeated, and as though your "big opportunity" will never come, just know that sometimes your "big opportunity" comes in other ways, much much more rewarding and wonderful ways; ones that pay cheques don't validate, managers don't control, and your efforts never go wasted.

It took me 28 years, but I finally wake up every day excited to get to work. I wake up early, I stay up late, and sometimes I even wake up at 3 am to put in some time because I am a die-hard! I'm constantly reading up on ways to improve in my job, I truly do want to be the best that I can, and my boss is this amazing and beautiful person! There is something I have NEVER EVER been able to say in the past (yikes). I am paid in drooley little face nudges, I've never laughed so much in a day as I do now, I get to feel completely needed and necessary every waking minute of the day, and I'm quite positive that my boss thinks that I hung the fricken moon.

Rowan, I've learned that my "big opportunity" was never missed. My big opportunity was born on November 24th, 2017, and she weighed a whole 6 lbs, 11 ounces. YOU were my big break. You have been ever since. I truly believe now that for me, motherhood was always written in the stars. I just couldn't see it because the timing wasn't right. We live in a world that is constantly demanding more. We NEED more, we WANT more, we HAVE to BE more. But do we really? If you ask a little girl what she wants to be when she grows up and she says that she wants to be a mommy, why must we ask, "okay, but what else?" As though, "yeah great, a mom is something you can be, but it's not like WHAT you are". Well for me, it is. Never before has the universe presented me with such a golden opportunity, where all of the passion within me is able to be channelled into this prestigious role that only I can fulfill, as your mother. Talk about rewarding work. I no longer yearn for more because quite honestly, I am living my dream. If anything, I can't wait to mother more amazing souls like yours because I have a lot of love to give in this over-flowing momma heart of mine.

Back in university, I used to believe that one day my writing would reach people far and wide. That used to be my goal. Now, I only seem to care if my writing spans from my heart to yours. If the only monumental thing I do in this lifetime is raise wonderful human beings like yourself, Rowan, then I have done what I was put on this earth to do.

"If you think my hands are full, you should see my heart!"

Thank you for being my big break, Rowan Penelope. Thank  you for opening my eyes up to what actually matters in this life. I hope to be able to do the same for you.

Happy four months earth-side, Bean!

From my heart to yours, always.

                                                              Love, Momma