1 Month of Raising a Wildflower

Oh, my girl... Somehow you have been earth-side for over a month now, and in that period my head has spun more times than I have changed a diaper (and that says a lot!) My days now operate under whatever schedule you deem fit at the time, and I've learned that I cannot successfully "come and go" as I please without first making a list and bringing everything but the kitchen sink with us when we finally do walk out the door. Would I change it though? Absolutely not. From what I've read (and there have been many many resources read), this is all part of the process called parenthood, and the rewards outshine any exhaustion, or rough days. As month 1 ends, and I get a little saddened packing away your newborn sleepers, I can honestly say that I have only high hopes for month 2, and cannot wait to see how much more you change and grow!

1 month stats for Lil' R.P.

Birth weight: 6 lbs, 11.5 oz , 19 inches long

1 month: 8 lbs, inches unknown (but rest assured you outgrew your sleepers in height rather quickly!)

Eye colour: still light, though some days they appear to be more green than blue, or even grey!

Diaper size: you just graduated out of newborn size and are comfortably wearing size 1 diapies!

Clothing size: I emotionally packed away your newborn clothing because I couldn't handle accidentally putting you in something that size one day, only to realize it doesn't fit, so before we could ever cross that bridge, I shoved it all in a tote. You're now wearing size 0-3 months, although some of your sleepers are straight up 3 months all on their own, and you fill them out just fine (forgive me as I shed some tears). I find that actual outfits and dresses are still big on your chicken legs, so I haven't packed away the closet goods yet. I can't handle how many clothes you never got to wear. For future reference, I have learned a crucial lesson: do not be fooled and sucked in by the cuteness of it all. They legitimately will only wear it once, or never.

Nicknames: Brace yourself. There are a million... Rowie P, Rowie Girl, Row, BEAN (my name for you because you're so gassy!), Rowboat, Robot (Uncle Joey's name for you), R.P., Chickpea, Shrimp, Peanut, Pean (you know, in case Peanut is too long), Chickadee, Chicken Little, Chiquita, Beanie Baby, Smiley Girl, Stinky, Little Ladybug (Gramma calls you this all of the time), Squirmy Wormy, BUG (another one I love calling you), Baby Bop, Poopie, PEA, Bumblebee. Eyeballs!

What Momma has observed about you at 1 month young

Though things are pretty new for you in general, you've managed to very subtly morph from your little original wrinkly newborn state, and have blossomed into a (for lack of a better word), baby! You look like the typical little chunky thighs, fuzzy-headed, drooling and babbling dream come true, and Momma is so in love! Since I pretty much spend every waking hour staring at you, leave it to me to have noticed the following couple of things:

• You found your thumb. Totally random and without struggle, one day you just raised your little hand to your face and popped that tiny thumb into your mouth. I was amazed! Though you do love your pacifier, your thumb makes a nice substitution when your paci is no where to be found. I've strategically began placing them in all of the hot spots: crib, bassinet, car seat, swing.

• You love to flail your body. All of the time. Even when you sleep. I call it "dancing", because you never seem to keep still. Admittedly, Momma screwed up putting on a few diapers in the middle of the night when you didn't lie still, which resulted in them leaking through your clothes. Oh lord, parenting certainly does mean learning the hard way.

• You snore! Yeah, you. Just like your father, though yours is way more adorable and his makes me want to repeatedly hit him with a pillow.

• You are extremely focused for a baby! Even your pediatrician says so. At your 1 month check up, he said that you had the focus of a baby closer to the 2 month mark. (You were staring at the tools hanging on the wall at your appointment when you weren't even two weeks old, and you managed to hit one of them off onto the table. Gramma and I laughed so hard, but you were determined to get it). You are easily able to follow things with your eyes, and move your head to get a better look. Often times, Daddy and I will hold up our hand or a toy and make you follow it, and you leave us impressed every single time! That also means that by now you recognize us and probably think, "oh lord, not these two again..."

• Your eyelashes are insanely long and I am insanely jealous.

• You're so fair in your colouring that I often ask who's child you actually are. You look a lot like your Dad, but you have Momma's dimples and I love that we share something so cute.

Things you absolutely love...

• Bath time, every single time. You love your lotus flower sink baths and stop crying as soon as you're put in, and often cry as soon as you come out. I use two washcloths and put one on your tummy and one on your head to warm you up. I call it your "bath dress".

• Pacifiers that take up your entire face. You jumped right into using and loving the new kind of soother that is one piece and looks gigantic. You were a little 6 pound shrimp in the hospital using this thing like a pro.

• Your hands. Long before you even made your worldly debut, you would have your hands near your face at every single ultrasound. To this day, you hate when they're covered up because you're always moving them and touching your face, or most recently, your bottle during feeds, or even me while I'm feeding you (you like to pull my hair...) I wasted money on little newborn mittens so you wouldn't scratch yourself, because after five seconds you managed to toss them off and they have never made a comeback.

• Chatting. You love being talked to. We usually hoist you up against our legs and talk to you because you honest to god do react to it, whether it's through a wide eyed gaze, or smirk. You've even been smiling more on purpose (the very best thing ever). I LOVE when you smile at us, or open your mouth like you so badly want to talk, then let out a squeal or squeak!

• Your change table and crib. Sometimes we just sit you in there because you seem to calm right down and are amused looking around at the colours and your belongings. Though you're not yet sleeping in your crib, I try to familiarize you with it even for a few minutes each day so that the transition won't be too hard. Not to mention the tummy time massages Gramma gives you when she visits, while you lay in your crib after your bath!

• Your swing, but not for swinging; rather, you enjoy naps in it. Usually you cry if we turn it on, so I've just accepted the fact that it's more of a hammock type napping spot for you.

• Your swaddle sack. Maybe it's because you feel safe or warm, but you never sleep without one of your two swaddle sacks, my little burrito baby.

• Feeding time. Good lord, you have suction, girl. You usually drink way too fast, spit up way too much as you're drinking and then cry. I have to literally remove the bottle and say, "slow down!" You've never given me a hard time eating, thank the lord. I was a little devastated that breastfeeding didn't work out, but you seem content enough and have loved your formula from the get-go, so as long as you're happy, I am happy.

• Sleeping on Momma's chest. It's definitely your sleep spot of choice, and I really cannot and will never complain about it because it's our bonding time. You're my little radiator keeping me warm, and I'd like to think that it's the closest we can get to how things were when you were still in my tummy! There is also a pride I carry in being able to calm you down like no one else can when I place you there. You have napped for over three hours straight on me, and those are some of your best naps to date.

• Music. I try to play music often for you. Even in your first couple of weeks home, I would play Vance Joy to get you to calm down, and these days we're dancing around to pretty much anything around here, from Tegan and Sara's older stuff, to Portugal the Man. Kitchen dance parties all of the time!

Things you aren't so fond of...

• Waiting for food. Hanger is real with you, and I can't judge because you got it from your Momma. If a bottle takes five minutes to heat, well that's just five minutes too long. In these moments I especially wish I had the luxury of feeding you myself, but that isn't an option. Instead, I run to the kitchen fearing your cry and beg the bottle warmer to miraculously work faster. It never listens.

• Diaper changes. I honestly think it's the cold wipes that do you in, because being cold is another big one with you. When you're cold you tend to pee, so you can imagine how many change table covers have had to go into the washing machine because of you. You've also peed twice now at the doctor's office when they had to undress you. It's actually become quite comical.

• The Boogie Sucker. You haaaaaaaaaaaate this thing, but it helps you tremendously. I can't believe how great this device actually works. If someone can get past the notion that I am literally sucking your snot out with a straw-like device, then it's all gravy. Congested babies are no fun! This tool is my new best friend, though you would beg to differ.

Eating habits

Initially you started out eating anywhere from 2-3 ounces, but nearing the end of 1 month, you're now consuming between 4-6! You're my little piggy. You seem to eat more and sleep longer, which is great for all of us during the night!

Sleeping pattern

I wouldn't so much call it a pattern YET, but you were getting up every 2 hours or so to eat. Whether or not you settled back down right after was a hit or miss. For the past few nights you've eaten more a little later in the night, so you only wake up once around 3 a.m., and then not again until 6 or 7 a.m. Whenever it's feeding time during the night, we usually watch Two Broke Girls. Then you and I usually have a nap from 8 to 11 a.m... Okay, that's only happened few times now, but it is wonderful to catch up on some sleep!

Playtime & Development

As a 4-8 week old you're pretty limited, but that doesn't stop us from experimenting with a couple minutes of tummy time each day, as well as plopping you down on your activity mat, even if it is just to stare at the colours and dangling parts. You've recently taken notice of this little light-up robot that sings and moves, and when you're in your swing you are fixated on the stars that dangle from the top bar. I can't wait for you to have a favourite toy, or to be able to buy you a play kitchen of your very own. I can say though, that although we're a little far from that still, you are able to lift your head like a champ! Your noodle neck days will be long gone in no time. You also have very strong legs that you like to bounce off of Daddy's lap with before he hoists you into the air.

Dates & Holidays

• Black Friday: you were born on thee notorious shopping day, so that warrants it's own recognition as far as I am concerned!

• Christmas 2017: your very first holiday and Christmas, though next year will be far more exciting when you're a crazy 1 year old, running around and destroying the Christmas tree. You did, however, see Santa Claus twice this year, and slept through both visits.

• New Years 2018: you rang in the new year wearing a party hat and all! Though every single night for us involves being awake at midnight, either yelling or crying, or both.

• Your first doctor visits occurred, as well as your first trip(S) to Starbucks and Superstore (Momma's favourite combination).

• You visited your proud Daddy at his work.

• You met your cousin and first baby friend, Matteo! You guys are only 4 days apart.

• You had your first trip to Momma's Bootcamp class to meet all of your Bootcamp aunties who watched you grow in my tummy!

• Momma panicked over nothing and took you to the emergency late at night when you were merely days old. The on-staff doctor straight up asked if I was a "first time mom", then laughed and said it wouldn't be the last time either. Crisis averted (and now I know that babies are nose breathers who are terribly terribly loud in their sleep).

Lastly, from your Momma's perspective

Oh Bean, I really can't tell you that raising a newborn or 1 month old has been super easy. It hasn't been. Then again, I don't think that anything truly rewarding comes easily. Just because it hasn't been all rainbows and sunshine doesn't mean I haven't enjoyed it. It's new to me too, and sure there are many many times when I wish I had more energy, or the means to travel with you, or more money to buy you all of the things that I want you to have, but how things are imagined and how they truly are usually don't align perfectly. Call me crazy, but of course I didn't think being tired would mean feeling THIS tired, or THIS drained. I went from being a 27 year-old who had the luxury of sleeping at night whenever I wanted, to being this new mother who couldn't sleep because I had a baby.

I knew there would be challenges and things to get used to, but they all kind of hit me hard at the same time and left me in a daze. Some days I wake up feeling like I have no idea what I am doing. Some nights I go to bed knowing that I just winged the entire day and will do the exact same thing tomorrow. There isn't a rhyme or rhythm yet, and that's sometimes difficult. It's easy to feel like a failure when your little one is crying and turning red and you can't seem to stop it from happening. It's been all too easy to feel like I still don't trust myself fully to care for you when you're sick.

Speaking of which, you got a cold for the first time in your life during this first month, and I thought the world was going to end. Overwhelmed. That is a great word to describe your mother dearest. In fear that you were too congested to breathe, I stayed awake many nights just making sure your little chest was moving up and down. Scared is another fitting word. A lot of the time I am scared that I am not doing enough to benefit you, or that I will make the wrong call one day, or not notice something I should.

But then there are days when you and I jive so well, and you wake up from a nap all refreshed and fail to cry when I change you. You drink your bottle and keep pausing to smile from underneath it, and you cuddle up on me and I feel needed. I love feeling like you need me, and I guess I feared that you wouldn't when I wasn't able to breastfeed you. These peaceful moments with you are much needed, as they reassure me that I am the mother you were meant to have, and that you and I will find our rhythm, slowly but surely.

I love our random afternoon photoshoots when I can dress you up and you're my real life dolly. I love playing music as I dance around the kitchen with you in my arms, clinging tightly. I love imagining that one day you will ask me if you can have my old concert posters or t-shirts because you grew up loving The Avett Brothers, or another band I often play. I love our afternoon naps on the couch when you are my little koala baby. I love staring at how utterly and breathtakingly beautiful you are. You seriously are. I can't go anywhere without a dozen people stopping and telling me how gorgeous you are. That will never get old though; I take it as a gigantic compliment that I somehow gave birth to such a beautiful creature.

And even though you're stuck at home with me all week, I wish you knew how much I look forward to the weekends when we're able to get out of the house together. I take you to stores or to Starbucks with me, just like I always dreamed of doing "if and when I ever have a little girl". There is no where I want to go without you. It's you and I, kid. We're a package deal. I never quite understood mothers who long for time away as though being a mom is a burden that was unloaded on them. Sure, I understand needing a break, but to me that's taking a 15 minute bath and getting to shave my legs. Or, being able to hand you off to your Dad when I have to get supper started. As far as time away from you goes, I don't want any of it. I carried you around for 9 months. I dreamed of you for years prior. Now that you're here, I want to savour every minute of having a beautiful daughter of my own to love and grow with. You ARE my life now, and you come before everything else. Even if that means that some days I am just not meant to do my hair or look appealing in the slightest. Sacrifices!

You're a dream, Row. As often as I say that the week feels long, or time seems to stand still in a given day, I know that's not the case at all. I know that these weeks and months with you will add up to years, and somehow I will be seeing you off to school before I know it. Then I will really long for these days that we have right now, good or bad. The future may bring you a sibling, or myself a job, but for now these days are for you and I to share together, and I have to stop stressing over the small things that don't matter, like a clean house, or visitors, and live in the moment with you. I promise you I will try to do better with that.

Thank you for the past month in which you have turned my life upside down. In a good way of course. Things need to be shaken up every once in a while, and I can't think of a better way than by having a new baby thrown into the mix to show you what love and life is really all about.

One more thing. I saw this idea the other day where this mother wrote in a journal to her daughter on her birthday every year. Her daughter is now ten, which means that she has ten wonderful passages recorded, that will make the world's greatest gift for her in the future. Being someone who is passionate about writing, I took to this idea right away, but placed it in the back of my mind, since your first birthday is still quite a way's off (thank you, lord!!!!) However, you and I were at the mall last week, and I saw this beautifully bound journal that said something so powerful on the cover. It was like an alarm went off in my brain, and the next thing I knew I was buying that journal for that very same idea.

"She was one of the rare ones. So effortlessly herself, and the world loved her for it."

I don't know who you will be in the future, but somehow I just know that this quote will suit you well, my little wildflower.

I love you, Rowie Girl. Happy 1 month of making this world a more beautiful place.

Love, Momma