Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

In two short months my husband and I will be adding a little baby girl to the mix, in turn making us a family of three. While I cannot ask for anything more, I find myself juggling all of these new emotions as her debut approaches. Am I thrilled? I am beyond it. Am I eager? I wish every day was ten days closer. Am I nervous? Entirely. For instance, never having really spent much time with a newborn, I can't say that I know how to soothe, comfort, change and feed one as stellar as others may. However, I do know that for as far back as I can remember I have watched new mothers around me with an adoration, longing for the day where I would know that kind of love and bond between a woman and her child. It's one thing being enthused to hold someone else's baby (being in total awe of the teeny-tininess, soaking up their yummy baby scent), but I am absolutely ELATED to finally hold my baby, the one decidedly brought into this world by my husband and I because we wanted to be that family of three.

Truth be told, I always pictured myself being a boy mom; wrangling up two to three little "bad boys" out in public at one time, buying little dinosaur toys, finding Batman figurines in the laundry basket, having to endure countless hours of superhero cartoons, and cleaning muddy footprints off the kitchen floor (aside from the ones that belong to my husband). I am not saying that girls cannot engage in any of these things, I just never imagined I would be buying tutus, stockpiling tiny bows and headbands, and would no longer be the only one in this house who wears floral print anything and everything... but here I am, buying matching dresses for my little chick pea and I (and I ain't complaining one bit!)

Ever since I found out that I would be the mother of a little girl my whole entire world has become more special. I have always been a dress-wearing, nail-painting, gold sparkle-loving, domesticated female, but to know that I will have a little girl of my own to tote around and do everything with sounds like the greatest thing ever. Undoubtedly, I would have been over the moon no matter what the baby's gender was. All that ever mattered to me was that I was blessed enough to become pregnant and then carry around a healthy baby for 9 months, free of complications.

I know that not every couple chooses to find out the gender, and if that is what they deem as the best choice for them then there is nothing anyone else can or should say to challenge it. For us, finding out made the whole pregnancy seem more real. In retrospect, I can't imagine not knowing because I have spent weeks now talking to her, preparing for her, and I can't explain how much I love hearing others say her name in casual conversation because she is a giant part of my world, but is also being recognized as a part of their world as well, and she's not even here yet!

My husband and I didn't touch a thing in her nursery until we found out the gender. Not that it was ever a matter of hot pink walls versus a navy blue nautical theme, but we wanted to cater it to this little girl who's personality we would have fun imagining together. I thought it would be unfair to splash pink up on the walls regardless, because not even I am a pink fanatic, but I did choose to go with a more neutral whimsical boho theme that I think provides more than enough of a clean slate for her to create upon and define in the years to come.

Also, this is a total personal thing, but I am a big fan of supporting local vendors and small businesses, so I had most of her nursery décor customized by creative souls right here in town. From the letters on her wall that spell her name, to her feather banner wall piece, a large dreamcatcher that hangs above her crib, and even her mobile. Not only do I love that these pieces are one of a kind, but they all required me to spend a little extra time searching flea markets, artisan shows and websites for what was "just right".

Speaking of us imagining up her personality, I often wonder which of my qualities she will possess, how alike her father she will be (she already has a pretty incredible father), what activities she will enjoy, what her laugh will sound like, and so forth. If she chooses to be an athlete, then I will be the momma rooting her on from the sidelines. If she wants to be a ballerina, I will gladly learn to master the art of the slicked back bun and stage makeup. If she wants to be an artist, then I am fully prepared to lay newspaper down on the floor to catch all of her paint splatters and proudly display her little masterpieces all over the fridge. Raising a genuinely happy and loved child is my number one priority, and the amount of love I already have for this little human who kicks me from the inside a million times a day is astounding. I truly cannot fathom or wait to see how much more my love for her expands when she's here for me to stare at in amazed speechlessness.

As the weeks proceed onward and my doctor appointments become more frequent, I am made to realize how soon November will be here. These next few weeks are nothing short of super exciting. My cousin and his wife are expecting a baby boy just days before our girl arrives, so between baby showers, a hospital tour, finally getting to be on maternity leave, no longer sleeping through the nights because I pee every five minutes (the less than glamorous aspects of third trimester), the clock truly is ticking faster!

I keep imagining what it will be like when we are on our way to the hospital and labor is in full swing. Thank god my husband is the cool, calm and collected type who will most likely ask if I want to stop for a coffee on the way. I, on the other hand, can only assume that I will be nervous as hell, but I am hoping that all of this pent up excitement will meet the nervousness head on, making it one experience I will surely never forget. Am I scared? Not as much as I am ready for it. How can you be scared when you know what will be waiting on the other end of the pain, tears, sweat and anxiety? Well, you still can be... but you get what I am saying. It's worth it. It is all worth it.

From the moment I stood with my husband at 6:00 a.m. using the light from the stove to read a positive pregnancy test, to my first doctor's appointment, hearing her heartbeat for the very first time, seeing this miniscule little bean in my uterus at only 8 weeks old, going for my blood tests, my less than enjoyable glucose test, finding out we would be the parents of a princess, and everything in between, it's all been worth it. SHE is worth it, and as her parents we will always know that to be true, through the good times and the bad.

In the meantime, from now until November when she decides she is ready to move in, I will soak up the joys of getting to carry this little girl around with me wherever I go and feel her movements, which remind me of how beautiful life is and how lucky we are to be her parents.